Your Phone Is Not Your Friend
How obsession with entertainment leads to loneliness.
This article is part of the Claritas spring 2025 issue, Connection. Read the full print release here.
By: julie bae
Every summer when I was a kid, my dad would take me to see the latest Marvel movies in theaters. Although I wasn’t exactly the target demographic for the comicbook action genre, I naturally inherited my dad’s passion and excitement for the Avengers. I didn’t fall in love with their outrageous stunts or flashy costumes, but rather, the characters’ humanity. The way they cared for their families and shared laughs with each other softened my heart for them, even through the big screen. I grew up watching their stories unfold, and when their time came to a close in Avengers: Endgame, it felt like saying goodbye to old childhood friends.
I quickly replaced the emptiness my favorite superheroes left behind with content creators on social media. Through platforms such as YouTube and TikTok, I became attached to the personalities I saw on screen. It started out as innocent, but as I grew up and technology developed to make social media more accessible and addicting, my love for entertainment became obsessive. I developed a habit of scrolling during routine parts of my day, including while I was eating or getting ready for school. I had a constant craving for stimulation from a screen—without it, life felt mundane and unsatisfying.
My preoccupation with screens led me to neglect the real relationships in my life. I failed to reach out to the friends who actually cared for me, and I rushed through meals with my family so I could spend more time staring at my phone or computer. I became comfortable in isolation because it allowed me to watch my favorite shows and influencers without interruption. In high school, I was often alone at home, with my parents away at work and my older sister away at college, but I didn’t even notice the quiet because there was never a moment of silence that wasn’t filled by the noise of a screen.
At a certain point, my obsession with entertainment led me towards spiritual laziness and a fervent pursuit of pleasure through hedonism and gluttony. Throughout my early years of faith, I constantly repented for my sinful lifestyle, but I never truly believed that there was a life better than the one I was living.
Finally, during a church retreat, God revealed to me the root of my problem. I’d opened up about my entertainment addiction to my pastor and some fellow ministry students, referencing that excessive screen time made me feel distant from God. At first, it felt no different than any of the other times I explained my issue. But on this particular night, the word “loneliness” came to the forefront of my mind with abundant clarity. I realized that the reason I had an insatiable desire for entertainment was because I lacked real connection. I didn’t feel truly seen by the people around me or loved by this seemingly distant God, so I settled for the company of on-screen characters. As a result, I was constantly unsatisfied, disconnected from friends, and most importantly, hindered in my walk with God.
Unfortunately, my struggle is not unique in our generation. Social media and entertainment addiction are a part of life for the average person in this digital age, and as a result, Gen Z is experiencing a “loneliness epidemic.” Related to this epidemic, The American Psychological Association stated that Gen Z is more likely to report mental health concerns than previous generations. In a 2022 survey of 1055 Gen Z adults, 1 out of 4 reported having “more bad days than good.” [1] Even more concerningly, between 2007 and 2021, youth suicide rates have increased by 62%. [2]
But what is loneliness? And how does the entertainment culture play a role in this rise in loneliness among our generation?
One might perceive loneliness as simply being alone or lacking friends. And while solitude can easily foster a sense of loneliness, it is also possible to be surrounded by peers or loved ones, and still feel completely alone. At its core, loneliness is the feeling that there is nobody around who really sees or understands you.
The current entertainment culture leads us to this sense of emptiness by preventing us from making genuine connections in a number of ways. Firstly, its addictive and all-consuming nature crowds out opportunities for rewarding face-to-face social interaction. [3] Excessive screen time is intentionally encouraged by social media and streaming platforms, as they use psychological tactics that condition viewers to continue using their services. For example, TikTok uses the “Variable-Ratio Reinforcement Schedule,” rewarding viewers with relevant content after an unpredictable number of swipes. Just like with gambling, a user’s desire to keep scrolling is motivated by the possibility of receiving a “reward that temporarily makes [them] feel good and boosts [their] dopamine levels, no matter how briefly.” [4] As we spend more time on these entertainment platforms, the damage that is inflicted on real relationships further detaches us from the world and causes us to turn to screens as a distraction from our loneliness, and the cycle continues. We become numb, passive viewers of strangers online instead of engaging in conversations with the people God has intentionally placed in our lives.
The workaholic culture at Cornell combined with the convenience of digital entertainment further fosters loneliness. In the intensely busy days of the semester, when prelims are in their peak season and assignments and applications flood our to-do lists, it is easy for isolation to become more frequent. In an attempt to maximize productivity, we burrow into the silent stacks of Olin and rush through meals at the dining hall alone. And when we crave social interaction, we find it easier to take a quick break on Instagram or TikTok than to make plans with a friend. This is sometimes “much more convenient and less stressful than genuine interaction,” as stated in an article published in Psychology Today, but “the isolation afforded by our technology ultimately harms us.” [5] In trying to devote as much time as possible to our work, we end up draining ourselves of the energy required to sustain healthy lifestyles, let alone deliver efficient performances in our duties. The quick fix of dopamine that comes with scrolling on social media or watching a show when we’re in a time crunch is not enough to sustain us, nor can it replace the connection that God intended for us to have with each other.
Lastly, entertainment addiction leads us to loneliness by distracting us from the only One who can ever truly satisfy—Christ. Even before the digital age began, C.S. Lewis described the world as the “Kingdom of Noise” to illustrate how the constant stimulation from media and devices prevents us from being still before God. [6] Now with both our eyes and ears attuned to screens at all times, it is nearly impossible to stop and become aware of our spiritual emptiness. God calls us to seek Him in a way that completely opposes the act of seeking immediate gratification from screens; entertainment produces constant noise and stimulation, but God meets us in places of quiet and stillness. This can be seen in 1 Kings 19, when God calls to Elijah with a gentle whisper, not the mighty wind, earthquake, or fire that preceded it. [7] Connecting with God often only comes when we shut out all the noise and listen for His quiet voice.
In order to live in a way that honors the Lord, we can look at Jesus’ life on Earth and the way He connected with God and the people around Him. Throughout Jesus’ ministry, He was always working for the good of others, whether by healing the lame or lifting up the poor in spirit. He was selfless and used His power and wisdom to bring others closer to God. He also made time to be alone with God, such as in the book of Luke, when He went out to a mountainside to pray the night before choosing the twelve disciples. [8] He didn’t use His time in solitude as a way to complete His work more efficiently or to pursue some form of earthly pleasure in secret, but rather to connect with His Heavenly Father so that He could further God’s Kingdom and be even better equipped in His ministry.
It may be easier to devote all of our time to our own success and to find comfort in on-screen characters rather than put effort into real-life relationships. But God calls us to love one another as He has loved us, to serve rather than be served, and most importantly, to abide in Him. When we turn entertainment into an idol, we become self-centered and lose our way in our faith. We learn to settle for superficial pleasures and forget what true connection feels like. For a long time, this was what my life looked like. However, God opened my eyes to the reality of my faith and how this addiction was hindering me from fully surrendering to Him. As I now draw closer to the Lord and let Him lead me away from loneliness and addiction, I am discovering the freedom, joy, and fulfillment He has promised, and I am naturally gravitating towards deeper connection with the people He has placed in my life. Without the constant stream of content from entertainment, I have been able to come face-to-face with the loneliness in my heart, but now I am able to turn to God in those moments and find genuine satisfaction in Him. Of course, this freedom can only come from practicing self-denial and cutting off old habits of turning to your phone in every moment of solitude. This may require fasting or deleting social media, but what is most important is a heart of surrender. As faulty, sinful humans, we can never escape the desires of our flesh on our own. But by letting God have authority over even the most shameful and broken parts of our lives, we may find freedom from the chains of sin and true connection in the midst of a lonely world.
Sources
[1] Park, Susanna Y, Bridgette Do, Jacqlyn Yourell, Janice Hermer, and Jennifer Huberty. “Digital Methods for the Spiritual and Mental Health of Generation Z: Scoping Review.” PubMed Central, February 6, 2024. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10879969/.
[2] Curtin, Sally C. and Garnett, Matthew F. "Suicide and Homicide Death Rates Among Youth and Young Adults Aged 10–24: United States, 2001–2021" , no. 471 (2023)
[3] Park, Susanna Y, Bridgette Do, Jacqlyn Yourell, Janice Hermer, and Jennifer Huberty. “Digital Methods for the Spiritual and Mental Health of Generation Z: Scoping Review.” PubMed Central, February 6, 2024. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10879969/.
[4] Gambit. “The Psychology of Mindless Scrolling.” Medium, March 17, 2024. https://medium.com/@thegambit/the-psychology-of-mindless-scrolling-8636c7aaaba3.
[5] Ullrich, James. “Social Isolation in Work-Obsessed America.” Psychology Today, October 29, 2013. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-modern-time-crunch/201310/social-isolation-in-work-obsessed-america.
[6] Lewis, C. S. 2012. The Screwtape Letters. C. S. Lewis Signature Classic. London, England: William Collins.
[7] 1 Kings 19 (NIV)
[8] Luke 6:12 (NIV)